Slytherins are Misunderstood – Misbehavin’ Maidens


Slytherins are Misunderstood

To the tune of “Jogging”

Slytherins are evil
That’s what other houses say!
But as a Slytherin
I aim to change your view today
Slytherins aren’t terrible
We’re just misunderstood
Just because we’re little power-obsessed
Doesn’t mean we can’t be good


Oh Slytherin, oh Slytherin
They all think you’re bad
But a Slytherin will be the
Bestest friend you’ve ever had!

Slytherins can be so kind
They take care of their friends
They’ll find for you a meal
Cuz you “forgot your lunch again”!
They really are the sweetest
It just doesn’t always show
But don’t ask them where they got that sandwich
You don’t want to know!


Slytherins watch out for you
They’ll make sure you’re ok!
They’ll tell your ex to [bleep] right off
And make them go away!
They’ll respect your choices
When you want to win or quit
And most of the time will manipulate you
only a little bit!


A Slytherin will open up
If they think you’ll listen
You know they care about you
If they don’t just hold it in
Expressing their emotions
Is not their strongest trait
Unless, of course, you count the feelings
Sad, mad, fear, and hate.


I hope I’ve helped you all to see
That Slytherins are fine!
You don’t have to reject us
You just have to have a spine!
Your Slytherin can be bad at knowing
Where some boundaries lay
That’s why we all need our Hufflepuffs
To keep us all at bay!

Chorus x2

Hey Jolly Doomsman – nimium-amatrix-ingenii-sui


I ventured into Angband deep, hey, jolly Doomsman
And dancèd there in evil’s keep, and therefore make me room, man
Sent Morgoth’s court a-sleeping still, hey, jolly Doomsman
And from him stole a Silmaril, and therefore make me room, man

The Blackthorn Blooms – Talis Kimberley-Fairbourn




By Talis Kimberley-Fairbourn

I’ve no magic words here

No dice left the throw

But the seeds that I’ve planted

Are willing to grow

We’re all feeling hopeless –

Disaster looms.

But still the bread rises

And the blackthorn blooms.

Here’s fury and fear

Here’s stunned disbelief

That we could lose so much

Our own leaders turned thief

I get that you’re numb

I get that you’re tired

We had a ticket to the future

But the future’s expired

I’ve no magic words…

They’ve played us as pawns

They’ve played us for fools

They want us divided

And to make us cruel

So kindness is sacred

It’s a choice, it’s an art

It’s an act of resistance

From the breaking of heart:

Can you carry a song?

Can you carry a light?

We did not deserve this

And it isn’t alright

We’re all feeling hopeless

Amidst the lies

But the blackthorn is blooming

And the bread will rise

I’ve no magic words

No dice left to throw

But the seeds that I planted

Are going to grow

I know we feel hopeless –

Disaster looms

But still the bread rises

Still the bread rises

Still the bread rises

And the blackthorn blooms.


Words & music by & © Talis Kimberley, 21st March 2019.

Talis Kimberley, one of the finest filkers and social justice bards I know.

Space Shanty – Misbehavin’ Maidens

To the tune of “The Mermaid”

It was Wednesday morn when we engaged
Boldly going places man has never known
When up on the Bridge, they spied a Romulan ship
Far away from the Neutral Zone


And the planets they do roll, And the distant stars they glow
And we poor Ensigns are running round the ship
While civilians they lie down below (below, below)
While civilians they lie down below

Up spoke Number One of the Enterprise
And he was a handsome bearded man
He straddled a chair with his very long legs
And said, “Captain do we have a plan?”


Up spoke the Captain of the Enterprise
And a well-spoken man was he
“I don’t want to tangle with the Romulans,
I would rather drink my hot Earl Grey tea!”


Up spoke the doctor of the Enterprise
She was a strong willed woman in blue
She said, “Captain come on, you have to run this ship
All the crew is depending on you!”


Up spoke Lt. Commander of the Enterprise
And a curious android was he
“Can someone please explain why this Romulan ship
Has decided to break the treaty?”


Up spoke the pilot of the Enterprise
And a nerdy little genius was he
He said, “I think that we should…”
“Shut up Wesley!!”


Up spoke the engineer of the Enterprise
And his visor was really high-tech
“I hope that this conflict doesn’t take that long
I’ve a date waiting on the holodeck.”


Up spoke the counselor of the Enterprise
And a very pretty empath was she
“There’s a Romulan vessel outside of this ship
And I sense the Romulans are angry”


Up spoke Security on the Enterprise
And a very moody Klingon was he
He said–
“Klingons do not sing space shanties.”

Chorus X2

Dumb Ways to Con – Misbehavin’ Maidens

Dumb Ways to Con

To the tune of Metro Train Melbourne’s “Dumb Ways to Die”

Stop for pictures at the top of the stairs,
Try to lick all of the vendor wares
Rush a panel room when you’re told to wait,
Tell a Xenomorph you wanna procreate


Dumb ways to con,
So many dumb ways to con,
Dumb ways to co-o-on,
So many dumb ways to con

Keep a Tribble as a pet,
Sell a vial of Chris Evans’ sweat,
Enter the Pokemon tourny with all bidoof,
Do a barrel roll off the hotel roof


Challenge a Wookiee to a fight,
Smoke a cigarette and set your wig alight
Go to the LARP with a sharpened sword
Throw some chimichangas at a Deadpool horde


Yell spoilers at the Game of Thrones shoot,
Tell an Alucard his Carmen Sandiego’s cute,
Go to the rave when you’re feeling faint
Hug somebody while in unsealed body paint


Agree to a group skit without committing…
Watch all of Evangelion in one sitting…
Go all weekend without taking a shower,
Chug energy drinks and just live in the game room
Blow your money on swag and forget food’s important,
They may not rhyme but they’re quite possibly

The dumbest ways to con,
The dumbest ways to con,
Dumb ways to con-o-oooooonnn…
So many dumb
So many dumb ways to con….

Critical Role fan music compilation


Unless you’ve spent hours trawling through YouTube in a desperate search for more Critical Role content, you may not be aware of the sheer amount of music that’s been inspired by the show. I’ve put together a list of my favourite CR fan music creators — some of them well-known, and some of them underviewed.

Colm McGuinness

You’ll recognize Welcome to Wildemount from the campaign 2 art reel, but his two other Critical Role-inspired songs, Trost and Ashkeeper, are both gorgeously atmospheric.


I have a special place in my heart for The List [spoilers c1e24-26], a song about what’s going through Percy’s head after the feast with the Briarwoods — because it’s what convinced me to watch campaign 1. Say [spoilers c1e77] is also a wonderful Kimallura duet.

The Cantata Pansophical

If you weren’t already aware that a group of amazing Critters rewrote the entirety of Hamilton to fit Vox Machina’s Chroma Conclave Arc, consider listening to Vox Machina: An Exandrian Musical immediately. Special shout-out also to their song In the Cobalt Soul, a cheesy monk training-montage song.


willing [spoilers c1e44] a song from Vax’s perspective in the Sunken Tomb, and Hell and Back [spoilers c1e72], a Perc’ahlia song, both have the potential to leave me in a puddle of tears.

Aidan Chan

This composer has created a ton of orchestral Critical Role songs, including themes for every member of Vox Machina. Personal favourites include Sonata for Whitestone Castle (Percy’s Theme) and A New Kind of Hero (The Mighty Nein’s Theme).

Ian Fischer

I’m in love with his creepy and tender theme for one of my favourite c2 locations, The Blooming Grove [spoilers c2e28]. Also check out The Road to Zadash [c2e30].


This pianist has written a handful of themes for c1 characters, including Wonder for Keyleth, The Tinkerer for Percy, and (my favourite!) an Anna Ripley theme. Her pieces are intricate and capture the characters perfectly.

Noah Pacheco

I’ve linked to this guy before because he’s created the only Critical Role lo-fi beats that I know of. My favourite might be Mask [spoilers c2e18], but honestly, they’re all pretty amazing.

Hollaback Nerds

It would be a goddamn travesty if I didn’t link the Mollymauk vs Caleb Ultimate Rap Battle [spoilers c2e26], right?


This channel has inspiring and emotional musical themes for Yasha, Molly [spoilers c2e26], Fjord, and (personal favourite) Caleb. Again, they fit the characters absolutely beautifully and I’m kind of in love.

Edgar Allan Joe

Oh shit, another song about Vax that’s making me want to cry? Hell yeah. Premature Requiem [spoilers c1e103] is a heartbreaking song about how Vax’s choices affect those closest to him. The same artist wrote a sweet Thank You song to Vox Machina.

Captain Obvious

If you’re like me and love when important objects get their own soundtracks, check out this theme for the Beacon, A Fragment of Possibility, with a weird and sometimes disturbing techno ambience that’s entirely appropriate. The same creator has also written themes for Caleb and Fjord.


Another composer working on themes for the Mighty Nein! My favourite of these is Fjord’s theme, Ballad of the Sea, which is the perfect accompaniment to his arc. Check out all the Ballads so far as well as the early versions of all the themes.

Ginny Di

I think Ginny is pretty well-known for her amazing Jester cosplay videos, some of which include her singing, but my favourite song of hers will probably always be her Ruby of the Sea song (even though she didn’t manage to work in “the best lay ever”).

There are a bunch of other artists whose stuff I love, but this post is long enough as it is! I hope you enjoy 🙂

Bring On The Starlight

My local Faire’s season just wrapped up this weekend, and our Shakespeare sang this song. That version doesn’t seem to be online yet, but this is probably a higher quality recording anyway. Is there a specific word of “End-of-the-performance-run-ose?”

Counterparts – Fetch Mercury






it is about a certain angel and a certain demon and a certain Plan that was not followed.

I remembered his tumblr, it’s @neil-gaiman.

here are the lyrics:

Rise, oh prophet, and begin
Thy song of glory and of sin
The thunder struck, the sorrow came
And two and two were called by name

Speak, oh prophet, and be true
To those who fell and those who grew
To those who stood, when battle came,
And all but two were still the same

Silence, prophet, hold thy breath
Beneath the raven wings of Death
In childish hands the judgement came
And two were cast into the flame

Sing, oh prophet, and proclaim
All Hell’s disgrace, all Heaven’s shame
An apple tree, a sword of flame,
And only two to bear the blame