I Ain’t A Martian Anymore – Araxie Haldane

scribefindegil:

animatedamerican:

What was the very first filk song you wrote about?

scribefindegil:

oooh! I was writing songs since I was very small and they were all about fantasy things (exception: the time my fourth-grade class wrote and performed a musical about whales in which I played a marine biologist/detective) because everything in my life was about fantasy things.

But the first actual filk I wrote was a collab with one of my best friends from college. It was written to the tune of “I Ain’t Marching Anymore” and was called “I Ain’t A Martian Anymore.” I should see if I can dig up the words.

I think that she came up with the title, and then I suggested the line “Take a look at what we’ve done with a laser-powered gun,” and then we wrote verses back and forth to each other over the summer and on each other’s whiteboards when we got back to school. It was a very fun process!

(bonus minor collaborators were my dad for insisting I find a way to rhyme “vortex” with “cerebral cortex” and @thebastardofgloucester for knowing board games they play in the Star Wars universe)

… i have a MIGHTY NEED  to see these lyrics

Okay, here we are. Turns out I still have the whole thing memorized even though I need to go look up that Star Wars board game every time.

I Ain’t A Martian Anymore

You’ve heard of those Ferengi with their acquisition rules
Their plotting and their scheming and their lore
They take all that they need, they have no law but greed
But I ain’t a Martian anymore!
And you’ve doubtless met those green men in their funny little ships
Drawing circles in your fields of corn
Every day is an occasion for an alien invasion
But I ain’t a Martian anymore!

For it’s red planet’s children that always go to war
Red planet’s children who fall
Take a look at what we’ve done with a laser-powered gun
And tell me was it worth it all?

I’ve had my share of combat now in every part of life
In games of dejarik as well as war
If a wookie has to win it then why bother to begin it?
And I ain’t a Martian anymore!
And I must have wiped the Daleks out at least a hundred times
But they keep on resurrecting by the score
When they next return I’m slated to be first exterminated
But I ain’t a Martian anymore!

For it’s red planet’s children that always go to war
Red planet’s children who fall
Take a look at what we’ve done with a laser-powered gun
And tell me was it worth it all?

I may have been a Martian but I’m sick of all this strife
I’m sick of spilling alien guts and gore
I’ll wind up like a Reaver smashing heads in with a cleaver
If I stay a Martian anymore!
Now the Cybermen are screaming that the universe is theirs
The Vogons threaten poetry galore
Let them toss me in a vortx, mess with my cerebral cortex
But I ain’t a Martian anymore!
No I ain’t a Martian anymore!

For it’s red planet’s children that always go to war
Red planet’s children who fall
Take a look at what we’ve done with a laser-powered gun
And tell me was it worth it all?

Bang Away, Maidens – Misbehavin’ Maidens

from the album Sloppy Seconds
To the tune of “Bang Away, Lulu”

Lyrics

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Saber is a Slytherin
She loves silver and green
She’s good at speaking Parseltongue
If you know what I mean

Our Saber’s quite a kinkster
They know her far and wide
She said to Westley,
“As you wish,“
Now she’s the Princess Bride!

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Rouge, she loves the Dresden
His books she does applaud
And if she ever met him
She’d ride his blasting rod!

Our Rouge once screwed some Trekkies
The answer to their prayers
She likes it rough, and now they know
Why Riker straddles chairs!

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Lucky loves Tom Hiddleston
He gives her all the feels
She thinks she’d get the best of him, but
In the end she always kneels!

Our Lucky makes cosplayers blush
With her sweet affections
Don’t flirt with her in spandex, boys;
It don’t hide erections! (That’s true!)

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Flint “bangs” a bit differently
She brought her gun to con
Shot off The Doctor’s stetson
While dressed up as River Song

Our Flint she once met Link, they say,
She made that hero drool
But then she left him in her dust
And went to save Hyrule!

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Bang Away, Maidens, by Misbehavin’ Maidens

CONsent, by Misbehavin’ Maidens

from the album “Sloppy Seconds”

Traditional, rewritten by Caroline Boulden

lyrics

If you want to take a picture, get consent
If you want to take a picture, get consent
If you want to take a picture, they’re a person, not a fixture,
If you want to take a picture, get consent

If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent
If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent
If you want to touch their cosplay, and don’t want to cause them dismay,
If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent

If you want a big embrace, get consent
If you want a big embrace, get consent
If you want a big embrace, there’s a way to close the space,
If you want a big embrace, get consent

And if they still say no, back away
If they still say no, that’s ok
If they decline your advance, it’s their body, not your chance
If they still say no, just GO AWAY

CONsent, by Misbehavin’ Maidens

Re: Filksong Genealogy: Bashing the Balrog

sci-fantasy:

filkyeahfilk:

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

Firstly, above: Leslie Fish’s setting of Rudyard Kipling’s poem “Dane-Geld,” about the dubious wisdom of paying tribute to avoid being conquered by a neighboring country with less portable wealth but better armies.

Secondly, as previously seen on this blog, a classic filksong to the tune of “Waltzing Matilda”: Lee Gold’s “You Bash the Balrog,” a cheerful little ditty about an ill-fated set of D&D adventurers.  (If you’ve never heard “Waltzing Matilda,” have a listen here and maybe check out the wikipedia page.)

And finally, below: Bob Kanefsky’s synthesis “Bashing the Balrog,” performed by Leslie Fish.

So the next one is “And the Fans Sang ‘You Bash the Balrog,’” right?

(Dr. Jane Mailander, mashing up “You Bash the Balrog” with Eric Bogle’s “And the Band Played ‘Waltzing Matilda.’” Not sure if there’s a recording of it, I just have the lyrics.)

Whoo.  Okay, I’ll be honest, I hesitated to reblog the followup with the full lyrics; I’d forgotten that there are ableist slurs (and what I’m pretty sure is an implied prison rape joke) in the fourth verse. I think last time I heard this sung, the filker either sang something different or skipped that verse entirely.

But there’s no point in denying that like every other music genre and every other fannish community, filk has got some deeply flawed and problematic content, both historical and contemporary.  And like every other community, we’re still working out how to deal with it.

I’m gonna compromise in this case, and link to the lyrics instead of posting them.

Folks, our ask box is open; if you have any suggestions about how to deal with this kind of thing in future, I don’t promise we’ll abide by them, but I think we’d like to hear them.

Narnia – Choirfly

gorgonika:

Hey so @choirfly had the best time performing at @housingworksbookstore and we’re happy to share this Chronicles of Narnia parody of Toto’s “Africa” with you! Please subscribe & share if you most likely wouldn’t sell out your sibling for a piece of Turkish delight.

 

Filksong Genealogy: They’re Singing Banned from Argo

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

 

Above: Leslie Fish’s setting to Rudyard Kipling’s “Danny Deever,” a poem about soldiers having to watch a public hanging, framed as a series of questions from a young inexperienced soldier and answers from an older veteran who has seen all this before.

Below: Bob Kanefsky’s “They’re Singing ‘Banned From Argo’,” a similarly framed series of questions and answers about another dreaded ritual.

If you find yourself confused by the veteran filker’s reaction in Bob’s parody, a look at this Fanlore page may be of some help.  And if you’ve never heard the original “Banned From Argo” before, run while you still can here’s your chance!

Filksong Genealogy: Bashing the Balrog

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

Firstly, above: Leslie Fish’s setting of Rudyard Kipling’s poem “Dane-Geld,” about the dubious wisdom of paying tribute to avoid being conquered by a neighboring country with less portable wealth but better armies.

Secondly, as previously seen on this blog, a classic filksong to the tune of “Waltzing Matilda”: Lee Gold’s “You Bash the Balrog,” a cheerful little ditty about an ill-fated set of D&D adventurers.  (If you’ve never heard “Waltzing Matilda,” have a listen here and maybe check out the wikipedia page.)

And finally, below: Bob Kanefsky’s synthesis “Bashing the Balrog,” performed by Leslie Fish.

Filksong Genealogy: Song from the Pig’s Side

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

Above: another poem by Rudyard Kipling set to music by Leslie Fish: “Song of the Men’s Side,” a mythic story about how humankind rose above its status as prey for wolves by attaining a crucial piece of technology.

Below: Bob Kanefsky’s take on a … loosely related story, which is also about wolves and prey and technological advancements:  “Song From the Pig’s Side,” performed by Leslie Fish.  (Look at the end of the third verse for a sneaky shoutout to a different Kipling poem entirely – which, yes, has also been set to music by Fish.)

Filksong Genealogy: Save Yourselves!

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

Above we have Seanan McGuire’s “Wicked Girls” (lyrics), performed in concert by the author along with Michelle “Vixy” Dockrey and Tony Fabris, S.J. “Sooj” Tucker, and Amy McNally.

And below, we have Bob Kanefksy’s truly wicked parody, “Save Yourselves!” (lyrics), performed in circle by Vixy and Tony.  Yes, that’s Seanan nearby in the circle, and yes, she’s hearing it for the first time.

Filksong Genealogy: By the Time I Get To…

 

Yesterday I journeyed for half a million miles.
Now I’m stacked up on an aircraft’s back.
This last part takes a while.

“Phoenix,” by Julia Eckar (lyrics), is a heartwrenching song about a futuristic space ship with a soul.  “By the Time I Get To…”, by Bob Kanefsky (lyrics), is one of those rare parodies that’s almost as poignant as the original song, this time about very realistic spaceflight, and picking up the pieces after re-entry.

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

 

Filksong Genealogy: The Comforts of Home

 

Who checks the airlocks anyhow?
A million years from now it may reach
Home…

 

It is a blessing and a curse among filkers, but a lot of our best jokes need…a bit of setting up.

The first of these (lyrics) is a deceptively sweet love song.  The second (lyrics), by the same band, is a legitimate criticism of Gene Roddenberry’s visual worldbuilding.  The third (lyrics) is Bob Kanefsky’s triumphant combination of the two, in beautiful polyphony by the original band.

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

 

Filksong Genealogy: Black Flag

And you’ll regret that ever you fed
At the board of Anne Bonny…

A very earnest song about pirates (lyrics) by Annwn, and one to the same tune, performed by the same band, but with lyrics by Bob Kanefesky, which is…earnest in its own way.  Take care among pirates, they rarely wash the dishes.

From the liner notes of the Roundworm album:  “whey hay (/hwA ‘hA/) n. a fibrous yellow mold (Coloropus yukosporus) commonly found on expired cottage cheese. See also dairy down.”

Content warning, in case the above isn’t enough: the second song is about very, very unsanitary kitchen conditions.

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)

 

Filksong Genealogy: December of Cambreadth

 

Use your hooves and use your head
Don’t let down the Man in Red 

“March of Cambreadth” (lyrics), by Heather Alexander, is a classic battle song about killing as many people as possible.  “December of Cambreadth” (lyrics), a parody by Bob Kanefsky, is…also about maximization of output, but the similarities end there.  Except that the language is, somehow, equally vicious.

(Series: Filksong Genealogy)