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kari maaren

Come Rescue Me – Kari Maaren

Please, someone, come rescue me.
Tell me my destiny.
Help me to simply slide
Into being what I am meant to be.

This may be the single most insightful piece of Star Wars filk I’ve ever heard.  “Come Rescue Me,” by Kari Maaren

When the Starcats Come – Kari Maaren

“This song was inspired partly by Sandra Kasturi’s deliberately terrible poem, “Starcats!” (written for ChiZine’s twisted tribute to National Poetry Month, Shitty Poetry Month), and partly by my memories of being bullied and ostracized all through my childhood. If only I had had some Starcats to come rescue me. Ah well. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that all my bullies likely now have prosperous families and careers, while I live in a box and must reapply for my job every four months! Er, wait…”

 “When the Starcats Come,” by Kari Maaren

I love this song because I had a shockingly similar coping mechanism in elementary school, except it involved dragons and sometimes shapeshifting and because I’ve been watching Voltron

If You Post Spoilers I Will Kill You – Kraken Not Stirred feat. Kari Maaren

“If You Post Spoilers I Will Kill You,” by Kraken Not Stirred with Kari Maaren

This song is relateable and…certainly creative.

The Prophecy Hotline – Kari Maaren

“Whenever a prophecy turns up in a story, characters behave with steady, maddening predictability, doing EXACTLY THE WRONG THING IN EVERY WAY. I have set up a musical telephone hotline for these characters. It may help, but that’s up to them.“

“The Prophecy Hotline,” by Kari Maaren

Damn Those Dwarves – Kari Maaren

Unsurprisingly, I guess, the legendary (at least, I think she should be legendary) songwriter of “Everybody Hates Elves,” has another one about dwarves.

Beowulf Pulled My Arm Off – Kari Maaren


If you’re wondering whether you really need a peppy, upbeat ukulele rendition of Beowulf from Grendel’s perspective in your life, stop that.  You need this.

Kids These Days – Kari Maaren

Good, old-fashioned comedic vampire angst from Kari Maaren

Lyrics and chords available on her website

Fake Geek Guy – Kari Maaren

“Fake Geek Guy,” by Kari Maaren

This song was tangentially inspired by The Doubleclicks’ “Nothing to Prove,” but “to be absolutely frank, the Doubleclicks’ song is a moving autobiographical anthem, while mine is just kind of mean.”

It’s mean in a good way, though, and, as Kari says, more songs ought to name-drop Gail Simone.

The lyrics and chords can be found in the FilKONtario 24 songbook

On Valentine’s Day – Kari Maaren

A song for Valentine’s Day, on Valentine’s Day.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

A Lonely Christmas Out Here – Kari Maaren

“A Lonely Christmas Out Here,” by Kari Maaren

Whatever you expect from this song, it’s probably not that.  Unless you know Kari Maaren, in which case you know never to expect what you expect.  Or something.

Everybody Hates Elves – Kari Maaren

“Everybody Hates Elves,” by Kari Maaren

You know it’s true.

Lyrics (and more songs) available on her website.

What Would Batman Do – Kari Maaren

Kari Maaren sings her song “What Would Batman Do”

Whatever you think this song is about, you’re probably wrong.

More music, with lyrics, is available on her website

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